There's dreadful news from the symphony hall—the composer is dead!

If you have ever heard an orchestra play, then you know that musicians are most certainly guilty of something. Where exactly were the violins on the night in question? Did anyone see the harp? Is the trumpet protesting a bit too boisterously?

In this perplexing murder mystery, everyone seems to have a motive, everyone has an alibi, and nearly everyone is a musical instrument. But the composer is still dead.

Perhaps you can solve the crime yourself. Join the Inspector as he interrogates all the unusual suspects. Then listen to the accompanying audio recording featuring Lemony Snicket and the music of Nathaniel Stookey performed by the San Francisco Symphony. Hear for yourself exactly what took place on that fateful, well-orchestrated evening.

A lump of coal that wants to be an artist, but would settle for making decorative marks on a piece of grilled meat, rolls out of a forgotten bag of charcoal one winter and takes a spin through town seeking a miracle. 150,000 first printing.

'Cari lettori, presumibilmente state guardando il retro di questo libro, o la fine de 'La fine'. La fine de 'La fine' è il posto migliore per iniziare 'La fine', perché se leggete 'La fine' dall'inizio dell'inizio de 'La fine' alla fine della fine de 'La fine', arriverete alla fine della fine della vostra pazienza. Questo libro è l'ultimo di 'Una serie di sfortunati eventi', e anche se avete affrontato i dodici volumi precedenti, probabilmente non potrete sopportare sgradevolezze tipo un'orribile tempesta, una bevanda sospetta, un gregge di pecore selvatiche, un'enorme gabbia per uccelli e un segreto davvero inquietante sui genitori dei Baudelaire. Completare la storia dei Baudelaire è stato il mio solenne compito, e finalmente ho terminato. È probabile che voi ne abbiate altri, perciò se fossi in voi lascerei perdere questo libro all'istante, così che 'La fine' non sia anche la vostra.' Età di lettura: da 9 anni.

Dear Reader,

If you have not read anything about the Baudelaire orphans, then before you read even one more sentence, you should know this: Violet, Klaus, and Sunny are kindhearted and quick–witted, but their lives, I am sorry to say, are filled with bad luck and misery. All of the stories about these three children are unhappy and wretched, and this one may be the worst of them all.If you haven't got the stomach for a story that includes a hurricane, a signalling device, hungry leeches, cold cucumber soup, a horrible villain, and a doll named Pretty Penny, then this book will probably fill you with despair.I will continue to record these tragic tales, for that is what I do. You, however, should decide for yourself whether you can possibly endure this miserable story.

With all due respect,

Lemony Snicket

Ages 10+

Like a car alarm, bagpipe music, or a doorbell ringing in the middle of the night, hearing this all-new audio edition of The Bad Beginning will only upset you. This unique multi-voice recording brings the first book in Lemony Snicket's alarming A Series of Unfortunate Events to such terrible life that no one should really have to experience it. Unless you have an ear for such ghastly details as a tragic fire, a nefarious villain, itchy clothing, and cold porridge for breakfast, all narrated in chilly detail by the distinguished, and disturbed, Tim Curry with a team of talented readers, you would be better off listening to something else.

Featuring Tim Curry

Dear Reader,

I'm sorry to say that the book you are holding in your hands is extremely unpleasant. It tells an unhappy tale about three very unlucky children. Even though they are charming and clever, the Baudelaire siblings lead lives filled with misery and woe. From the very first page of this book when the children are at the beach and receive terrible news, continuing on through the entire story, disaster lurks at their heels. One might say they are magnets for misfortune.

In this short book alone, the three youngsters encounter a greedy and repulsive villain, itchy clothing, a disastrous fire, a plot to steal their fortune, and cold porridge for breakfast.

It is my sad duty to write down these unpleasant tales, but there is nothing stopping you from putting this book down at once and reading something happy, if you prefer that sort of thing.

With all due respect,
Lemony Snicket

Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire are intelligent children. They are charming, and resourceful, and have pleasant facial features. Unfortunately, they are exceptionally unlucky.

In the first two books alone, the three youngsters encounter a greedy and repulsive villain, itchy clothing, a disastrous fire, a plot to steal their fortune, a lumpy bed, a deadly serpent, a large brass reading lamp, a long knife, and a terrible odour.

In the tradition of great storytellers, from Dickens to Dahl, comes an exquisitely dark comedy that is both literary and irreverent, hilarious and deftly crafted. Never before has a tale of three likeable and unfortunate children been quite so enchanting, or quite so uproariously unhappy.

Ages 10+

After the sudden death of their parents, the three Baudelaire children must depend on each other and their wits when it turns out that the distant relative who is appointed their guardian is determined to use any means necessary to get their fortune.

'Se questo è il primo libro che avete trovato mentre cercavate la vostra prossima lettura, allora la prima cosa che dovete sapere che questo penultimo libro è la prima cosa che dovete mettere via. Purtroppo, questo volume contiene la penultima cronaca della vita degli orfani Baudelaire, e non è penultimo a nessuno in quanto a tristezza, disperazione e spiacevolezze. Probabilmente la penultima cosa che avete voglia di leggere è una storia con un cannone sparafiocina, un solarium sul tetto, due iniziali misteriose, tre trigemini non identificati, un famigerato criminale e un curry insipido. Le penultime cose sono le prime da evitare, perciò consentitemi di raccomandarvi di mettere via per prima cosa questo penultimo libro, e trovare qualcos'altro da leggere. come per esempio il penultimo libro di un'altra cronaca, o una cronaca che contenga altre penultime cose, in modo che questo penultimo libro non diventi l'ultimo libro che leggerete.' Età di lettura: da 9 anni.

Like an off-key violin concert, the Roman Empire, or food poisoning, all things must come to an end. Thankfully, this includes A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket. The thirteenth and final installment in the groundbreaking series will answer readers' most burning questions: Will Count Olaf prevail? Will the Baudelaires survive? Will the series end happily? If there's nothing out there, what was that noise?

Then again, why trouble yourself with unfortunate resolutions? Avoid the thirteenth and final book of Lemony Snicket's international bestselling series and you'll never have to know what happens.

Ages 10+

Some boxes should never be opened.

For the first time, the complete A Series of Unfortunate Events – including the highly feared #13: The End – is available in one awful package!

We can't keep you from succumbing to this international bestselling phenomenon, but we can hide all thirteen books in a huge, elaborately illustrated, shrink–wrapped box, perfect for filling an empty shelf or deep hole.

From The Bad Beginning to The End, this box set, adorned with Brett Helquist art from front to back, is the only choice for people who simply cannot get enough of a bad thing!

Ages 10+

Dear Listener,

You are presumably looking at the back of this audiobook, or the end of the end. The end of the end is the best place to begin the end, because if you listen to the end from the beginning of the beginning of the end to the end of the end of the end, you will arrive at the end of the end of your rope. This audiobook is the last in A Series of Unfortunate Events, and even if you braved the previous twelve volumes, you probably can't stand such unpleasantries as a fearsome storm, a suspicious beverage, a herd of wild sheep, an enormous bird cage, and a truly haunting secret about the Baudelaire parents.

I also shouldn't mention the features of the interactive CD, which include:

• Perplexing word games
• Photos from The Lemony Snicket Archives
• Art from The Brett Helquist gallery

It has been my solemn occupation to complete the history of the Baudelaire orphans, and at last I am finished. You likely have some other occupation, so if I were you I would drop this audiobook at once, so the end does not finish you.

With all due respect,

Lemony Snicket

Featuring an accordion-style folder, this enchanting collection of letters between Lemony Snicket and Beatrice, the woman to whom every book is dedicated, reveals a vast array of answers, secrets, and clues on every page where there is always more than meets the eye.

'Il volume contiene svariate sgradevolezze, quali una pinza gigante, un uomo con una nuvola di fumo al posto della testa, un ipnotizzatore, un terribile incidente che provocherà diversi feriti, punizioni severe, muffe sgocciolanti, esami sterminati e saggi di violino. È inutile sperare che la serie vada migliorando, né, mi spiace dire, ci sono prospettive che essa migliori in un futuro anche lontano.' Età di lettura: da 8 anni.

'Cari lettori, come le strette di mano, gli animali da compagnia e le carote crude, molte cose sono preferibili quando non sono scivolose. Sfortunatamente, in questo infelice volume, temo che Violet, Klaus e Sunny Baudelaire si imbattano in ben più della normale quota di scivolosità che spetterebbe loro, durante il viaggio impervio su (e giù) per una catena di monti strani e inquietanti.' Ecco la decima, tragica puntata della vicenda dei fratelli Baudelaire. Età di lettura: da 9 anni.

Readers incapable of running fast enough to escape Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events can breathe a sigh of relief now that the first six books of the series have been securely contained in a shrink-wrapped box disguised with exquisite Brett Helquist art that will prevent this collection of woe from falling into the wrong hands.

The set includes: The Grim Grotto, The Slippery Slope and The Penultimate Peril.

After any harrowing struggle, it is nice to consider checking into a hotel for a rest. In fact, this might be just the break Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire could use after their wearying deep-sea adventure.

A hotel can be a good choice for any family vacation. With so many floors, such a variety of rooms, and a curious array of guests, spending time in the safety of the right hotel can be the perfect learning environment for children of any age. A keen researcher like Klaus, an adept inventor like Violet, and a sharp-toothed culinary master like Sunny are all sure to find engaging diversions during their stay.

Regardless of how they pass their time while at a hotel, the three siblings will be sure to take in all the interesting sights and sounds -- and write them down -- just in case this episode turns out to be the darkest yet in a series of unfortunate events.

Lemony Snicket returns with the last book before the last book of his bestselling Series of Unfortunate Events. Scream and run away before the secrets of the series are revealed!

Very little is known about Lemony Snicket and A Series of Unfortunate Events. What we do know is contained in the following brief list:

o The books have inexplicably sold millions and millions of copies worldwide

o People in more than 40 countries are consumed by consuming Snicket

o The movie was as sad as the books, if not more so

o Like unrefrigerated butter and fungus, the popularity of these books keeps spreading

Even less is known about book the twelfth in this alarming phenomenon. What we do know is contained in the following brief list:

o In this book, things only get worse

o Count Olaf is still evil

o The Baudelaire orphans do not win a contest

o The title begins with the word, 'The'

Sometimes, ignorance is bliss.

Ages 10+

Readers incapable of running fast enough to escape Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events can breathe a sigh of relief now that the first six books of the series have been securely contained in a shrink-wrapped box disguised with exquisite Brett Helquist slip case art that will prevent this collection of woe from falling into the wrong hands.

Caro lettore, la parola 'carnivoro', che appare nel titolo di questo libro, significa 'mangiatore di carne', e una volta letta questa parola sanguinaria, non c'è ragione che tu vada oltre. Questo carnivoro volume racconta una storia talmente angosciante che ingerire uno solo dei suoi ingredienti potrebbe risultare molto più rivoltante del più indigesto dei pasti... La nona sventura dei fratelli Baudelaire esce in contemporanea con l'uscita del film, nel marzo 2005, tratto dalla serie. Età di lettura: da 9 anni.

Dear Listener,

Unless you are a slug, a sea anemone, or mildew, you probably prefer not to be damp. You might also prefer not to listen to this audiobook, in which the Baudelaire siblings descend into the depths of despair, underwater. The horrors they encounter are too numerous to list, and include mushrooms, a mechanical monster, a distressing message from a lost friend, and tap dancing.

I also shouldn't mention the features of the interactive CD, which include:

l Perplexing word games l Photos from The Lemony Snicket Archives l
l Art from The Brett Helquist gallery l

As a dedicated author who has pledged to keep recording the depressing story of the Baudelaires, I must continue to delve deep into the cavernous depths of the orphans' lives. You, on the other hand, may delve into some happier audiobook in order to keep your ears and your spirits from being dampened.

With all due respect,

Lemony Snicket

Dear Listener,

I am sorry to say that the lives of the Baudelaire orphans, Violet, Klaus and Sunny, are filled with bad luck and misery. All of the stories about these three children are unhappy and wretched, and the one you are holding may be the worst of them all.

If you haven't got the stomach for a story that includes a hurricane, hungry leeches, cold cucumber soup and a doll named Pretty Penny, then this audio will probably fill you with despair.

I also shouldn't mention the interactive features of the CD, which include:

• A perplexing word game
• Photos from The Lemony Snicket Archives
• Art from The Brett Helquist gallery

I will continue to record these tragic tales for that is what I do. You should decide for yourself if you can possibly endure this miserable story.

With all due respect,

Lemony Snicket

Dear Listener,

If you have chosen to listen to this audio for pleasure, I advise you to put it down instantaneously, because of all the audios describing the unhappy lives of the Baudelaire orphans, The Miserable Mill might be the unhappiest.

This recording contains such unpleasantries as a giant pincher machine, a bad casserole, a man with a cloud of smoke where his head should be, and coupons. If you prefer stories that are more heartwarming, please feel free to make another selection.

I also shouldn't mention the interactive features of the CD, which include:

• A perplexing word game
• Photos from The Lemony Snicket Archives
• Art from The Brett Helquist gallery

I have promised to record the entire history of these poor children, but you haven't, so please feel free to make another selection.

With all due respect,

Lemony Snicket

Se state per gettare via questo libro e scappare il più lontano possibile, vuol dire che lo sapete già: questo volume descrive in ogni dettaglio la penosa permanenza dei fratelli Baudelaire allo Heimlich Hospital. Ci sono tante storie piacevoli da leggere, ma questa non lo è. Contiene particolari davvero pesanti, come un negoziante sospettoso, operazioni chirurgiche non necessarie, un sistema di interfono, anestesie, palloncini a forma di cuore, e alcune notizie davvero sbalorditive su un certo incendio. Chiaramente voi non avete alcuna intenzione di leggere roba simile. Ho giurato di fare accurate ricerche su questa vicenda e di scriverla meglio che posso. Età di lettura: da 9 anni.

The elusive author provides a glimpse into his mysterious and sometimes confusing life, using fanciful letters, diary entries, and other miscellaneous documents as well as photographs and illustrations.

DISCLAIMER: The long term effects of listening to this audio are unknown. Scientists have detected slightly higher rates of panic, fright and free-floating anxiety amongst listeners to this audio than that found in those listeners who engaged in more pleasant listening activities.

Dear Listener,

Like handshakes or housepets, many things are preferable when not slippery. Unfortunately, in this miserable volume, I am afraid that Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire run into more than their fair share of slipperiness during their harrowing journey up -- and down -- a range of strange and distressing mountains.

It would be best not to mention any of the unpleasant details of this story, particularly a secret message, a swarm of snow gnats, a scheming villain, a covered casserole dish, and a surprising survivor of a terrible fire.

Unfortunately, I have dedicated my life to researching and recording the sad tale of the Baudelaire Orphans. There is no reason for you to dedicate yourself to such things, and you might instead dedicate yourself to letting this slippery audio slip from your hands into a nearby trash receptacle, or deep pit. With all due respect,

Lemony Snicket